Pain…..

In life you love a lot of people from all your heart. You want to see them happy and healthy. You are blessed if at least half of the people you love are happy.

It is extremely painful to see someone suffer heart-breaks and disappointments and feel helpless.

It is extremely painful to know that you can do nothing about their misery, but still have to watch them come past their bad times. Did I say ‘come past’? I wish they come past all the bad times in just a few seconds, but it takes longer when you desperately want things to get better.

Life is sadistic I feel. When there is a reason for you to feel happy, something goes terribly wrong for you and the people around.

I have realized that it is important for people you love to be happy in life for you to be happy.

My parents are having a bad time. I am surprised at how I am writing such a negative and personal thing on a blog! But that’s how disturbed I am. I am a very inexpressive girl right from childhood. My silence has cost me a lot of things, well not things, relationships. I can never express. I don’t feel bad about it, that’s who I am. People who really care do know what I am.

I love my dad. He is a great man, a very good person at heart. I have always looked up to him. But, have I expressed this to him? No. I can never speak fancy. From my childhood I have only heard people complain about him, say things about him etc., this has hurt me a lot, but it has only made my love for him stronger. I know he is a great man and the best dad one could ever get.

I love my mother equally. If I am what I am, it’s because of her. She has taught me life’s most important lessons and some people love me for who I am at heart. She is an ideal person, one who is strong enough to stand by her principles even when she knows she is falling, falling real low. Respect is what I have for her.

It is very hard to see them unhappy, harder to know that I can’t help. I can only pray for good times. But, belief in God and hopes for a better future are very tricky things. It’s extremely hard to hold on to your beliefs and have hopes!! But do I have an option? Sadly, no.

The mesmerising voice of KJ Yesudas…

There are so many legendary singers in the world. But one voice does not fail to touch my soul every single time.. It’s the voice of Shri KJ Yesudas. The love for such an awesome voice has always been there within me, even as a child I would enjoy listening to him. Over the years the love for his voice has only grown strong and the happiness I feel when I hear him sing is beyond explanation.

As a child I have heard Yesudas sing a lot of Carnatic music. I owe a lot to my dad who introduced me to good music. I particularly remember listening to “Krishna nee begane baaro”, the only rendition of the song I really like; I cannot enjoy this song by anyone else. I think that was the first song I enjoyed of Yesudas.  There is one more album of his  - “Tribute to Jawaharlal Nehru”.  It is a collection of classical, devotional and patriotic songs. There is one song I really enjoy – “Krishan deewani” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBfTovgt5dQ. This is a meera bhajan, but the  lyric is different. Its Krishna singing to His ‘Deewaani’ Meera and not the other way round. The song is beautiful and in Yesudas’s voice, its just magic. All songs in this album are just great and I keep listening to them often. I have heard it so often that I can play the songs in my mind and feel like I am listening to them. Thanks to my dad, that’s how frequently we had music playing in my house.

Of his other devotional albums, I really like “Mayilpeeli” – A collection of Guruvayurappan songs. http://www.musicindiaonline.com/album/154-Malayalam_Devotional/19969-Mayilpeeli/#/album/154-Malayalam_Devotional/19969-Mayilpeeli/. The song “ Guruvayuppa Ninmunnil” is my favourite.

The Ayyappan song “Harivarasanam” needs no introduction! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcQCkkVKC5w .  It should be an honour for Yesudas to have this song played every night in sabarimala temple. What a blessing! Nobody can make this song what it is, I bet. Listening to this song is pure bliss.

As I grew up, I started to listen to his film songs. So many melodious songs to his name! I cannot mention all of my favourites, here are a few : Raja raja chozhan naan, deivam thandha veedu, amma endrazhaikkadha, sendhazham poovil, mookkuthi poo mele, Un paarvayil, Paartha vizhi paarthapadi, Gangai karai mannanadi and much more.

He has a very unique voice. My dream is to meet him and tell him how much I love his music and voice. This mellifluous voice just celebrated his 72^nd birthday and I wish this Legend a long, prosperous and healthy life.